Wicked Witch of the East(wood)

Twice today, I’ve had to correct children behaving badly. I guess that makes ME the monster.

The first instance was this afternoon, when I stepped out my back door with a load of trash. A good size bike was right there on the stoop. I would have had to step over it or around it, or move it, to get by. Fortunately, its adolescent owner was nearby. I said (politely, I thought), “Please don’t park your bike there anymore.” His reply? “Why?” I did a double-take and said, “Did you just ask me WHY?” He realized the error of his ways immediately, and ducked his head as he walked past. I said, “Well, for starters, because I asked you to nicely. Second of all, it’s my back porch, not yours. Park your bike on your own back porch and see how long you get to keep it there.” He said, “Sorry” as he walked around the corner with the bike.

I headed to the side of the building where the garbage cans are kept. That’s also where two of the four central AC units are housed, up on a concrete pallet. What did I see perched on one of the AC units, one leg on the unit itself, and the other on the windowsill? The bike-rider’s sibling. She looked about 5 years old. I said, “Honey, you need to get down from there; you are going to fall down and crack your head open!”

She got down alright, and immediately went around the front and got her brother (the bike rider), dragged him around to the side where I was, pointing her finger accusingly at ME. I said, “I was cautioning your sister about climbing up on the AC units. She could fall and hit the concrete and crack her head open.” He said, “Oh she does this all the time.” (Sigh. Fine. Go ahead and kill yourselves for all I care. Far be it from me to stop you. Actually, it would sure bring some peace and quiet around here if you did so. Geesh.)

What ill breeding. If I’d done any of those things around MY mother, I probably wouldn’t be here to bitch about this brats today.

I guess it’s good that I’m hated and feared where I live. At least it will be quiet on Halloween. Let them think I’m the wicked witch to their Hansel and Gretel.

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