When I Die, I May Not Go to Heaven.

Only in Texas…. this obit is just too damned funny. This guy would have been a great blogger, HAD HE LIVED…. I quoth you from the Nacogdoches (Texas) Daily Sentinel:

George Robert Tarver
George Robert Tarver bought the farm when his heart wore out on the 16th day of July in Nacogdoches, Texas. He was from St. Augustine, Florida, the oldest town in the United States, and died in Nacogdoches, the oldest town in Texas. George was married to Dorothy E. Brunney in St. Augustine in 1952, a couple of days after they had graduated from college — Dorothy from Stetson and George from Florida State University. They were the parents of five kids: Robert D. Tarver, Indianapolis, Indiana; Daniel R. Tarver, Evanston, Illinois; Terri K. Tarver, Bainbridge Island, Washington; Charles J. Tarver, Aspen, Colorado; and Brian J. Tarver, Columbus, Ohio. All five children attended universities in Yankeeland, and none have made it to jail yet. George is survived by the five kids; one grandson, Matthew; a sister, Mary E. Willis of St. Augustine, Fla.; and her four kids.

George attended Florida State University and Louisiana State University, and he taught at FSU while studying for a graduate degree in geology. He was a member of the Arnold Air Society, an honor group for scholastic achievement, while a member of the Reserve Officers Training Corps and also a member of the Delta Tau Delta social fraternity.

George was a cattle rancher and tree farmer in Crockett, Texas, since 1962. He worked in the oil patches of South Louisiana and Texas as a geologist and engineer, as an employee of oil companies and as an independent producer. He also worked as a hydrologist for the U.S. Geological Survey, and he ran a consulting business for several years.

George was a fellow of The Geological Society of America and a member of the American Association of Petroleum Geologists and other professional societies. He wrote many published scientific papers on the geology and/or hydrology of Texas and papers on many of the states in the Eastern United States.

George served in the Army Air Corps in a B-17 bomber squadron as a radioman during World War II. He was a member of the American Legion in Crockett, Texas, and also a member of the 91st Squadron Over-the-Hill Group until his death.

Tarver was a member of the Junior Chamber of Commerce in St. Augustine and Boca Raton, Florida. He held local and state offices therein, and was also a member of the Lions and Elks clubs in Crockett, Texas.

George’s carcass will be harvested for parts, in the event that parts that old can be used, and the residue will be cremated, with the ashes used to fertilize a patch of daffodils in Aspen, Colorado.

In the event that anyone feels the need to remember George, donate your spare parts to a living human when you die, or give an nickel to some needy college student. Neither will hurt you.

I enjoyed my stay with you folks for more than 70 years.

George R. Tarver

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