C?mo usted dice?

How do you say “Blow it out your ass” in Nigerian? I really need to know. Sheesh.

Please. Especially if you need a laugh today.

Good Day and Compliments,

I am writing this letter in confidence believing that if it is the wish of God for you to help me and my family, God almighty will bless and reward you
abundantly. My family and I are true Christians and worship’s God truthfully. I got your contact through Internet during my research on some one who could help us.

Oh, really? Anything you find about me on the Internet is likely to be me bitching about our medical bills and the rest of the sad state of financial affairs or links to my Amazon wish list and PayPal buttons. Hit it, sister.

I am a female student from University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am 28 yrs old. I’d like any person who can be caring, loving and home oriented. I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you can be able to help me in this transaction.

Let’s see. I really need my house cleaned, my clothes laundered, dinner prepared, errands run…. Shall I go on? How soon can you start?

Well, my fathers died earlier two months ago and left my mother I and my junior brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him before his death. I was a Princess to him and I and my brother are the only people who can take Care of his wealth now because my mother is not literate enough to know all my father’s wealth behind.

I just bet she doesn’t.

He left up to USD 27, 350, 000.00 dollars (TWENTY SEVEN MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND US DOLLARS) with a security company, and I don’t know how and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father’s kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and our family, which they were planning to do without my present because I am a female as stated by our culture in the town. That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact which I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will help me secure and invest this money. I thereby need your help in bringing the box contaning the money out from the security company, based on your reply I will furnish you with more details on how we can proceed.

Up to? Heh. That sounds like those silly credit card offers I keep getting: “Receive up to a $5,000 line of credit.” And everyone knows you’re lucky if you get a $250 line of credit, and you usually end up owing THEM some money after they take all their fees out of that $250 line of credit that they were so generous to extend to you in the first place. Keep talking.

I am ready to pay 10% of the total amount to you if you help us in securing this money and another 10% interest of Annual Income to you, for handling this business for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over.

Why don’t you just give it ALL to me? I think God would want that {{snort}}. And we sure don’t want to piss Him off.

If you can handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me and I will let you know the next step to take towards actualizing this transaction as quickly as possible.

If I can handle it? IF I CAN HANDLE IT? If I had that kind of money, I sure wouldn’t be sitting around bothering strangers about it. (Unless, of course, I was just a little scam artist from the South Bronx….)

Please, note that this transaction is 100% risk free.

Now you really have me rolling on the floor!

I look forward hearing from you soonest.

Don’t hold your breath, your High (and on what?) Ness.

Yours sincerely,
Miss Princess Ajana
Email:moc.oohaynull@3002nek_xecnirp

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