JoniMueller.com

Who Does She Think She Is?

Category: Humor & Fun Page 1 of 2

Bank Robbery 101

Here are five important points for bank robbers to keep in mind: 1. Punctuality This one is really quite simple. If you arrive at the bank after it is closed and the doors are locked, your plan will be foiled. You need to get yourself a decent watch and arrive at the bank during banking […]

Truth In Advertising

Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean? NEW Different color from previous design. ALL NEW Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. FOOLPROOF OPERATION No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN The advertising agency doesn’t understand it. REDESIGNED Previous flaws fixed – we hope. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT We finally got one to work. MAINTENANCE […]

A Man’s Dictionary

Phrase: “I’m going fishing.” Definition: “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a lake with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” Phrase: “It’s a guy thing.” Definition: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making […]

I’ll Take Twisted Definitions for $500, Please, Alex…

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Cashtration: The […]

Find Me

Bored? Don’t know what to do with yourself at this late (or early) hour? How about a nice challenging game of Find the Joni (and name the imposters)? Drop your answer in the comments.

Everything I Know About the Office…

I learned from watching Dynasty! I love your desk. The tusks – they are so you. I think this is another one of your incredible performances. Sweet and vicious, an unusual combination of talents. Listen to me, you little tramp. I am leaving… but I shall return. I didn’t thank you for your present.   […]

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