A Public Service Announcement for All You Singles Out There

Landed in my in-box this afternoon; thanks Jana

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish … 49
Adventurous … Slept with everyone
Athletic … No boobs
Average looking … Ugly
Beautiful … Pathological liar
Contagious Smile … Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure … On medication
Feminist … Flannel shirt
Free spirit … Junkie
Friendship first … Former slut
Fun … Annoying
New-Age … Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned … No BJ’s
Open-minded … Desperate
Outgoing … Loud and embarrassing
Passionate … Sloppy drunk
Professional … Bitch
Voluptuous … Very fat
Large frame … Hugely fat
Wants soul mate … Stalker

WOMEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
about?

MEN’S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you

Vive la difference!

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