Okay, this landed in my mailbox again, but it’s still pretty good, so…. One more time….
REAL WOMEN VS. MARTHA STEWART
Martha’s Way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women’s Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your >feet up, eating it anyway.
Martha’s Way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women’s Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha’s Way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women’s Way: Go to the bakery. They’ll even decorate it for you.
Martha’s Way: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix me
The Real Women’s Way: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too damn bad. Please recite with me The Real Women’s Motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes.
Martha’s Way: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Women’s Way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.
Martha’s Way: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Women’s Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don’t do it.
Martha’s Way: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Women’s Way: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?
Martha’s Way: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Women’s Way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
And finally the most important tip:
Martha’s Way: Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Women’s Way: Leftover wine??